While the writings and studies of recent years have done much to shed the light of reality on this extremely serious subject there has also been much left out. Experts now agree that hard-core abusers have permanent brain and psycho-sexual damage. These abusers were made not born – created by similarly abuse parents.
Hard-core abusers, however, represent only one third of total abusers. The majority two thirds are not brain damaged. They are simply poorly raised – nonetheless generally violent but not insane – men who take their frustrations out on their family. Because they have no frame of reference vis-à-vis resolution of the emotional turmoil and frustrations associated with their limited life they vent their frustration and anger on their only available targets – their wives and children. These men do not fit the corollary-characteristic matching of hard-core abusers – i.e. animal cruelty, sexual abnormality, childhood bully behavior, and the like. They can be and often are substance abusers and physically violent – fitting the drunken, fist-fighting barfly mantel. They are not, however, psycho-emotionally brain damaged. It is simply easier to take out their frustrations on those over whom they have dominion. It rarely brings any psychological or sexual enjoyment as it does in hard-core abusers. It simply allows them to fight back, get even, and vent. Frustrated abusers are, indeed, often regretful – until the next time.
A thorough understanding of these principles might, indeed, help to get your ex back. If you are trying to recover a broken relationship with domestic violence your chance to win your ex back, will be heightened by knowing these things.
The silent majority are the wives and children who suffer quietly from decades of secondary abuse. Often they are not actually beaten with fists, rather they are just slapped – or threatened with same – and made to live in constant fear. If there is or was genuine emotional attachment at some point of origin, they are often drawn into a deadly cycle of codependence and guilt assignment. They are as damaged and traumatized as their counterparts who are beaten and raped. The distinction here may seem like a fine one but it is not. The endgame for hard-core abuse is death. While tragic it compares almost similarly to that of the frustrated abuser – decades of despair, broken bodies, and shattered lives.
Indeed, millions of women and children who suffer this abuse have never even been violently touched – just shouted at for decades. Are their panic attacks any less real? Are their lives any less broken and meaningless? I think not. Until we fix the cause of frustration-caused domestic violence we will not have dealt with it nearly as much as is called for. We have not even begun this work.
If you are attempting to get ex back from a breakup caused by domestic violence, take heed.